A belated Happy New Year to you all.

I made it through Christmas – hurrah! I won’t lie, there were some tricky moments but here I am still alive and, more surprisingly, still talking with everyone in my family even without Mum to break up the fights. (I’ll write the play about this Christmas when I’m the last one standing and there’s no longer any danger of being sued!)

The children got a hamster each from Grandpa and all I can say is that it may have been a bit of a mistake. Number one escaped on day two and it took me an hour to fish it out from under the IKEA. Much wine was needed after that. Number two then bit its owner who’s now too nervous to pick it up again so now, not only do I have to do it, but I also have to look like I’m not scared of being bitten in the process! More wine needed. Number one then escaped again. (That may have been my fault for not putting the cage back together again properly after I cleaned it out, but in my defense why the fuck should I have to clean out the cages – I have enough trouble keeping my own house clean let alone theirs!) It took three days to get it back this time and I can tell you that she is one pissed off hamster now. That’s when child number two got bitten. It might be time to get a cat!

Sorry, this blog’s supposed to be about writing.

Well, I have two writing days a week now which is bloody lovely (but still not enough), so I’m really quite nice to know on Mondays and Tuesdays (especially at coffee time because I’ve still got half a Christmas cake left and no one else in the family likes it – much better than a chewy custard cream in the staff room I can tell you.). I’ve been rewritng my children’s book because I had a rather lovely ‘revise and resubmit’ from an editor just before Christmas. My play has been rewritten and sent to many friends and family but the buggers are being a bit slow with their comments. My husband’s lovely Aunt has sent it to some very useful people, and I have a couple of other opportunities I’ll tell you about later because one especially is such a loooooooooooong shot that it seems mad to even write it here. As of tonight I have also found the curtain music for said play so it’s all good really.

I may’ve been a bit slack here with my blog posts but I am so on it with the calendar it’s like an up-to-date piece of genius. It’s also quite full like me after coffee time so I hope this is the start of an awesome year for us all.

Happy writing, folks. X

I like my bed.

Hello lovely writery peoples out there, I thought it was about time I checked in with you all. It’s also 10 in the morning and I’m still sitting in bed which must mean it’s the holidays. (I’m also feeling slightly guilty that the last post to be written was a bit of a tasteless rudey so my apologies to anyone who was offended.)

I’m afraid my personal life has been taking too much of my brain space to allow me to have much of a writer’s life recently and it will continue like this for a while, but I promise normal service will resume soon. I will continue to update the calendar when I have time but the blog bit might stay a bit quiet for a while longer. Not much new writing going on here, although I did scribble off 5 pages of dialogue the other day which might or might not go somewhere. I also rehashed a four year old radio script for a funny little comp that wanted plays set in Tavistock so, because I know the area wellish, I put in a few local street names to my old play. You never know, and it does make my emails a little more interesting. I’m also supposed to be rewriting the first chapter of my book following some really helpful notes I got from the Winchester Writers’ Festival comp., and my allotment’s a mess, the bind weed is taking over the garden and I think the kids might turn feral soon. When did I last bath them?

Anyway, I’ll have a quick scoot around the wonderful world of webbage to check for useful stuff before I go and feed the short ones. Thank you all for your patience and have a lovely summer. XXX

 

Searching questions.

I think I’ve told you before that I like to check my ‘search engine terms’ to see what people are looking for when they find me. Well, the best one came up yesterday and I feel the need to share because it made me laugh (the easily offended should look away now) and, before anyone asks, I’m sorry but I really don’t know the answer.

“Does playing badminton tighten vagina?”

Just a quickie

Anyone out there signed up for the University of Glasgow post grad playwriting and dramaturgy course? You can apply now for a funded place. I think you have to apply by June 16th but I’m not sure. Here’s the website.

Busy doing nothing here (apart from a little trip to Eurodisney. For the kids, you understand). I’m still sending out my book to agents and competitions, and waiting to hear from a couple of people who are looking at my play. I know I asked them to do it as a favour, but didn’t they understand I meant DO IT NOW!

I’m a bit stuck, actually, waiting for a new idea. A couple of vague thoughts are floating around my head but nothing strong enough to make me ravage my laptop. Oh, and I’ve applied for a new job writing short stories for a company who run workshops for kids. It’s not going to win me my Olivier or get me on the top table at Waterstones but I am excited by the thought of being paid to write. It’s kind of like when I started working in theatre and I found myself doing a job I loved in an environment I loved and, to top it all off, some bugger wanted to pay me for it! Anyway, trying not to count my chickens and all that, so stay calm and I’ll keep you posted.

That’s the end of my lunch break so I’ll be off now. Happy writing all. X

P.S. I lied. Eurodisney was all about me and it was AWESOME! I now own a Mickey Mouse ring, some Mickey Mouse oven gloves (so cool – they’re like his big, white gloves), Mickey and Minnie salt and pepper shakers and… no money. X

I’m back!

That’s me back from The Smoke (as we provincials call that thriving metropolis that is London), and also back from whatever nonsense has been happening to WordPress for the last few days – many apologies if you haven’t been able to access this blog.

My rehearsed reading? Awesome! The King’s Head had found me a great Director and really lovely/talented group of actors to play with. When I walked in for rehearsals and saw them all sitting there I had a sudden realisation that they were there to play my characters and it was so cool to look and think ‘Oh, so that’s what Zoe and Emma look like’ etc. It was also great to listen to the Director talking to the actors – so exciting when she was saying exactly what I had intended.

The downside? There are more holes in my script than a Swiss cheese! Sitting in my room reading aloud at home it all sounded great. Sitting with an audience watching it being read straight through – not so much. The good thing though is that this time I could also see all the good things I’d written as well as the things that didn’t work and left feeling very up whereas last time, at Offcut, all I could focus on was the mistakes and left feeling pretty depressed. All that excitement and a bit of personal growth – what more can you ask for?

My piece of advice for you today – I was terribly efficient with my reading and about 4 weeks ago invited all the London new writing venues I could think of (you know – Soho, 503 etc) but none turned up whereas I only rang The Royal Court the week before and someone did come from their Literary Department. My thought is that maybe don’t send your invites too early because then you might get forgotten. Leave it until a week or two before and then they’ll still have you in mind when they organise their viewing week. This isn’t gospel, mind you, just my opinion – for all I know they might all hate me really and, while I was in Islington, they were all having a ‘bring your new script and we’ll put it on for you’ party at the Nash.

Paranoid much?

I now have 10 minutes to get to work, and I want a quick look at the play I’ve been writing since December. December! I’m sooooooo slooooooow! But I’m just coming to the end of the first draft so that’s good. I then need to rewrite the first chapter of my book because everyone keeps telling me I’ve started it in the wrong place. Anyone who tells you to ‘Begin at the beginning. Work through the middle and stop when you reach the end’ you now need to say ‘But where is the beginning?’

That could be a new philosophy for life. Maybe I should write a book about it.

And don’t forget your Newsjack sketches.

Happy writing one and all. X

Time flies…

It’s March! How did it get to be March? Busier than a busy bee, me, but first a quick heads up; I’ve been updating the calendar and 3 of the competitions I’ve put in are closing in the middle of March (an auspicious day for playwriting judges maybe?). There’s Bristol’s Quick and Dirty comp, Plain Sight want a play for children and the Royal Court’s International program. Then take a quick look at the end of the month where you’ve got Papatango, Theatre 503, Salisbury Playhouse, Liverpool’s Page to Stage, Bristol’s Tobacco Factory and Sky Blue Theatre Company. Don’t you come telling me you’re bored!

So, what have I been up to then? Well, I’ve had a birthday (but my hairdresser put my age at 6 years younger so that’s alright), child #1 has had a birthday (I have a 12-year-old – that’s just madness), I took my Mummy to see the Lion King (we both cried – please don’t hate me), I went to see my friend’s play with Descent Theatre at Rich Mix (a great night) and… I think that’s it.

Did I tell you about my rehearsed reading? It’s my consolation prize for being shortlisted for the Adrian Pagan Award and it’s this Thursday in Islington. Gulp! I’m very excited and quite nervous but I’ve been brave and invited lots of cool New Writing folks so fingers crossed that it goes well.

Still sending my book out – 4 no’s so far but I’m keeping it out there, and I think I’m on query draft #658 now so where there’s ink there’s hope.

I’m going to go now and find my sports bra because I’m off to play badminton to try to combat the Writer’s Arse I’m cultivating. Happy writing to you all. X

A very late Happy New Year to you all.

I’m sorry but I dropped off the radar for a while there. I finished up a lot of projects before Christmas and then took a break to concentrate on drinking, the children and then some more drinking but when I came back to my laptop in January all I found was a great big empty screen of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! That was emotional doom – there was nothing wrong with my laptop.

Apart from a slightly frayed cable.

And the moshi monster sticker child #2 put on the cover has started curling at the edges but I don’t think that will in any way hinder my writing.

I have also started sending my book out to agents so I am also coping with a gentle yet constant stream of rejections in my inbox. I have recently read a great piece of advice though which is that it only takes one ‘yes’ to get published/produced so that’s what I’m after for 2014: THE ONE YES! (I was hoping for a little alliteration there but nothing came to me that would work with ‘yes.’ Answers on a postcard please.)

Anyway, here I am, back again and ready to go. I’ve added five pages to the script I’m working on which is a good thing, and I’m using the rejections in my inbox as a reminder to query more agents which is also a good thing. I’ve been saving all the opportunities I’ve come across so will make sure they all go into the calendar over the next week. Off the top of my head the new series of Newsjack is coming up in March and… that’s it. Sorry. Head still not totally back in the game but I will feed it more coffee and give it a bit of a talking to. Until then, happy writing all. X

 

Happy Christmas

The Twelve Plays of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas my muses gave to me

A no from the BBC

On the second day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the third day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the fourth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the fifth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the sixth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the seventh day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the eighth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Eight hams a-milking

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the ninth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Nine lazy duologues

Eight hams a-milking

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the tenth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Ten clueless clichés

Nine lazy duologues

Eight hams a-milking

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the eleventh day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Eleven rough rejections

Ten clueless clichés

Nine lazy duologues

Eight hams a-milking

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

On the twelfth day of Christmas my muses gave to me

Twelve lengthy long lists

Eleven rough rejections

Ten clueless clichés

Nine lazy duologues

Eight hams a-milking

Seven words a-weeping

Six cheesy sayings

Five cold scenes

Four appalling words

Three broken pens

Too much purple prose

And a no from the BBC

Happy Christmas and Happy Writing to you all. XXX

So…

So I didn’t win the Adrian Pagan Award.

I was a bit sad on Monday. I decided not to look at my computer any more and to wrap myself up in a blanket and lie on the sofa in front of the fire. I fell asleep, the fire went out and I woke up cold.

On Tuesday I decided I’d been spending too much time writing and that it was taking me away from spending time with my lovely children just doing fun things like playing monopoly. So we played Monopoly. Jesus f*!!ing Christ it’s a long game! That’ll be why we stopped playing Monopoly. Went to bed feeling sad but virtuous.

Wednesday I was grumpy. Why wasn’t it Me? Surely it was my turn to have some success. Why aren’t I getting anywhere? It’s not fair! Drank wine, went to bed.

Thursday I decided I was wasting my life with this writing rubbish. No more wasted effort and heartache. More wine, more bed.

Friday I remembered my children’s book is still going to win the Chicken House comp, (or at least get in the top 100 so I can get an agent and get it published and then get it picked up by Disney and made into their next princess animated film), and that Channel 4 will be in touch soon and then when the BBC see my radio play they’ll be like WOW! Where have you been? And everyone will talk about me being an overnight success and I’ll cast my eyes modestly to the floor with a knowing smile which secretly says ‘Overnight success – my arse!’

So I’m all better now and I’ve put masses into the calendar.

I’ve added ‘Scrawl’ and ‘Scriptspace‘ to my “Where to send your script” page, both offering the opportunity to test out your scripts with some tame actors.

January has the 24:7 Festival looking for 40-60 minute scripts and February has Obamerica in association with Theatre 503 and also (I think) their own new competition (more details to follow as and when). If you’re from the East Midlands you can try for the Curve Playwriting Competition.

You’ve got one week to go till December 16th when the Writersroom window closes again, the Writersroom Ten deadline occurs as does the deadline for The Engine House’s new collaboration.

I think there were a few more but I can’t remember what and it’s past my bedtime now so night night all. X

Broked

Hi guys, just a quickie to say I’m really sorry if anyone’s had any problems with my blog. WordPress has been playing up again and this is the first time I’ve been able to get on for ages. I’ll update this evening if I can still get on and hopefully normal service will resume.

X

(P.s. still no word from Adrian Pagan Award!)

Sometime later:

P.P.S. 😦